OPEC and BUMPS

It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. What better time than to go into the meanings of OPEC and BUMPS. I tell ya, family is a funny thing. We've got some weird symmetry/coincidences in our family. My grandfather has 3 sons, my father has 3 sons. My father is the oldest; I'm the oldest. My grandfather, father and myself have 3 birthdays in 4 days with my father's and mine being back to back. Cool, huh? Anyway, families are a great birthing place for inside jokes cause you spend so much damn time together. Anywho, let's dig in.

OPEC. Well, surely you mean the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries right? Well, yes. But, no. The details are a bit hazy, and perhaps I can fill them in at a later point in time, but here goes. When my father and his brothers were growing up they were as any other brothers would be. Competitive, annoying, and always coming up with stupid shit. Well, much like my brothers and I do, they would often ask each trivia questions to see who could top who and whatnot. Well, I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from being asked a trivia question is a challenge to my knowledge. The immediate assumption is that the person asking the questions is ASSUMING that I don't know what the answer is, i.e. it isn't common knowledge. Well, who the hell wants to be shown up like that?

Now, being boys in their teenage years, one can assume that my father and my uncles were big sports fans (they were/are) and hence, sports trivia questions were abundant. Now, there's nothing wrong with asking a good tough question, some obscure trivia, i.e. "Who are the only 3 MLB pitchers all time with over 2,000 K's and an ERA over 4.00?*" (my brother asked me this a couple weeks ago.....I nailed it in about 6 guesses too). This question takes thought, and is not obvious, not common knowledge. But let's say the question is (for the sake of my father and uncles) how many homers did Maris hit in '61*. Well, to any proper baseball fan, the answer to this is obvious, and as such, maybe a boy or man would not want to dignify such an absurdly easy question with a response. Here's the response:

OPEC

OPEC. I know the answer. You should know I know the answer, and so instead I say OPEC. (again, why OPEC was chosen I can't remember, but my best guess is that OPEC itself was the answer to a trivia question). Upon hearing the OPEC, the asker of the question acknowledges that the askee knows the answer and just like that there is an understanding. And for obvious stuff, this is open and shut. You're at the bar (at any point in time up until two years ago) and your friend asks you who the all time homerun king is*......OPEC. Come on buddy. Your friend says haha, yea, too easy.

This is basically the modern day equivalent of "my word is my bond". Back in the day, a man was only as good as his name. If he gave you his word, that was good enough.

OPEC. What a powerful tool. What a weapon. Think of the ethics involved here. What if you get a question thrown at you which you know you should know the answer to.....but you don't?!? Do you break out the OPEC? They gotta take that at face value. But then does the OPEC stand for what it's supposed to? Does it not lose all meaning? What if you think you know the answer, but you don't? Then you're not purposefully using the OPEC falsely, but is it not just as criminal? Hell, you could just go on OPECing for the rest of your life! Never having to answer another question as long as you live. Oh, yes. Quite the powerful creation my father and uncles came up with. They've been using it for years. My brothers and I use it. But we understand the OPEC; We understand its power and use it responsibly......will you?

BUMPS. Ha, this one is very interesting indeed. In fact, I've recently learned that the word my brothers and I got this from is actually "bunks" (I think). Sounded like bumps to us. Anyway, here I give all due credit to the movie Above the Rim. Great, great basketball/thug movie. Haha. Great soundtrack too. Anyway, in the movie they play plenty of pickup basketball. As was common in these pickup games, the players would bet on the outcome. So you'd think they'd bet money or something of value.....well, a lot of these guys don't have much to bet with. So what do they do? They play for BUMPS (or bunks). So what's BUMPS. Well, its not an acronym this time. Basically, if you lose you get up against the schoolyard fence or wall like you're gettin patted down by the five-O and you get a basketball pegged at your ass repeatedly. Yup, thats BUMPS.

Ok, weird. So whats the point? My brothers and I found this quite hilarious and as any brothers or sisters or friends do, we make bets with each all the time. As everyone knows the most common bet between siblings is exactly a million dollars. Unfortunately for nearly all of the world, no siblings can really afford to be betting sums in the millions (save the Olsens, Hiltons, Baldwins? haha). And you can't bet chores if you don't have strict chores (or can't enforce it in the case of unruly brothers). So what do you bet? BUMPS. Now, this sounds bad. I make a bet with my brother and when he loses (yes, I'm, assuming I win the bet. I always win) I peg his ass with a b-ball over and over. Yea, this really doesn't happen either. What this turned into, was me (since I'm older and did so whether I won or lost usually) beating or slapping them around for a minute or so until I lost interest. Unfair, I know, but thats what brothers do. We pound on each other.

But even that was a little too much, and so BUMPS just kinda turned into the equivalent of betting a million dollars (anti-climatic, I know). However, we DID establish levels of BUMPS based on the importance of the question/bet and/or your level of confidence in your side of it. For example, my brother Jay bets me BUMPS he'll beat me in Kobe (Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside for N64, greatest b-ball game of all time). I agree and we play. We're pretty even, it could turn out either way. Now Jay and I are arguing about a specific line in a movie (in this case say its a certain line about gila monsters in Nothing To Lose) and I KNOW I know what the line is......you bet your ass I'm betting MEGA BUMPS, or even MEGA ULTRA BUMPS. That's right. Hell, there's even a pecking order of sorts:

BUMPS
SUPER BUMPS
MEGA BUMPS
ULTRA BUMPS
MEGA ULTRA BUMPS
SUPER INFINITY BUMPS

....um, yea that sounds about right (probably not). Anyway, BUMPS is a great bet because it's totally meaningless, but gives the impression there's a lot on the line as opposed to betting a million bucks which you have no chance of winning.

So there you have it. OPEC and BUMPS. And hopefully it wasn't lost on you that these two concepts go hand in hand: trivia questions and betting. Hell, I dunno about you, but that was half my childhood, lol.

* Answers to those trivia questions:
1)Javier Vazquez, David Wells, Jamie Moyer
2)61
3)Hank Aaron

More to come...